Under The Counter prides himself on keeping abreast of the latest advances in technology. Not the best at mental arithmetic, over the years he’s variously relied on slide rules, adding machines, pocket calculators and mobile phones to work out how much his 50p seven-horse accumulators will pay out.
Now the proud owner of a smart speaker, he often rips Mrs UTC’s knitting by shouting – right in the middle of Coronation St – “Alexa, what’s 50 times 33 times seven divided by two times 12…”
It came as no surprise to the Auld Boy then, given his overblown sense of self-importance, when Amazon reached out asking him to “answer the questions that stump Alexa”.
Now this is right up UTC’s street, pub quiz bore that he is. Or so he thought, for it turns out a lot of drunks, or children, or drunk children, ask Alexa some weird shizzle.
Questions that baffled the Auld Boy included ‘How do you boil eggs without?’, ‘How much protein is in a cat?’, ‘What is the definition of a p.p.?’ and ‘What letter start with ‘t’?’
The only one he came close to answering was ‘Where is grandpa go?’
“Doon the pub,” grumbled UTC, slamming the door behind him.
