Under The Counter is delighted that Suntory Beverage & Food GB&I is uniting its Lucozade Energy, Lucozade Sport and Lucozade Alert sub-brands together under one big Lucozade-shaped umbrella.
He was less impressed that the soft drinks giant had spent two years – and god knows how much money – interviewing 6,000 consumers to find out that Joe and Janet Public just call all three variants plain old ‘Lucozade’ anyway.
“I could have told them that for nothing,” the Auld Boy groused. Gathering steam, the Curmudgeon in Chief then proceeded to lay into Lucozade’s new advert, which sees a basketball team and some Northern Soul dancers double-book a sports hall.
The ad is full of gyrating, jumping, high kicking and general running about-ery. The levels of joint hypermobility on display made the Auld Boy – who can barely bend down to retrieve a dropped Werther’s Original – weep with impotent rage.
Through his tears though, UTC noticed that one soul boy, displaying an impressive set of sideboards on his coupon, was nevertheless performing the front splits in a pair of brogues.
Unfortunately, this proved somewhat triggering for the Auld Boy.
“Outdoor shoes in the gym hall?” he wailed. “I got six of the belt for that back in the day!”
