If you spot a geriatric in a bunnet acting suspiciously near your eggs, fret not, retailers. It’s just Under The Counter trying to make some easy cash.
The Auld Boy hatched his latest get rich quick scheme after reading that someone with more money than sense – from Berkshire, appropriately enough – had shelled out £150 for a solitary hen’s egg in an online auction.
Admittedly, the guy was in the pub necking pints at the time, but even so, this was no ordinary egg. Rather than being egg-shaped – ovoid, in the parlance of the scientific community – it was almost perfectly spherical. Or snooker baw-shaped, as the boffins rarely say.
Best of all though, in UTC’s opinion, it was found in a shop in Scotland.
And so, with pound signs in his eyes and bus pass in his paw, the Auld Boy gingerly boarded an X77 headed for Ayr town centre – the charming seaside resort, not the deceased Brazilian Formula One driver.
UTC’s plan was a simple one. Enter shop, examine eggs, find round one, hit jackpot. Like many of his generation, the tight-fisted Auld Boy always gives any box of eggs he buys the once-over for breakages anyway, affording him the perfect cover story if questioned.
However, to paraphrase Ayrshire local Robert Burns, the best-laid plans involving hens often go awry. If UTC had bothered to read to the end of the article, he would have discovered that the chances of a chicken laying a round egg are a billion to one, making them rarer than hen’s teeth.
So, if you see him, feel free to point this out. Or don’t.
