Under The Counter, like any true Scot, is an enthusiastic fan of the roll and sausage – butter underneath and broon sauce up top, if you’re curious.
He was saddened, therefore, to hear of the (albeit temporary) demise of Glasgow institution, Mortons, which has been knocking out both soft and crispy rolls by the dozen since 1965.
Of course, wags on social media were quick to point out that the business had ran out of dough and that management had emailed staff saying you’re “well fired”.
Overall, however, the entire west of Scotland was fairly upset by news of the company’s collapse. One Twitter user even suggested: “This might be the one thing that unites Glasgow.”
They were wrong of course, for there is a Glaswegian version of Godwin’s Law, the internet adage that predicts Hitler will eventually be dragged into any online discussion. The Old Firm Ordinance is much the same, except you replace Nazis with Rangers and Celtic.
We won’t dignify the sectarian ‘bants’ by repeating it but suffice to say some comments simultaneously upset and angered UTC.
And this is because, like a quantum superposition of Mortons’ two rolls, he can be both soft and well-fired at the same time.
