UTC loves a good Christmas nosh-up as much as the next guy, so he was fair tickled to see a bah humbug version of the favourite PR tactic of ‘sales pitch presented as research’ shortly before the big day.
The study made the startling finding that people eat too much at Christmas.
The press release boomed: “The average British Christmas sees the public consume a dangerous number of calories, doing unseen damage to the nation’s health”. Apparently a British Christmas dinner contains 1992kcal, “equal to the daily caloric allowance for an average female”.
And who made this shocking discovery? A company called Discount Supplements, an online retailer of health and fitness supplements.
The press release went on to warn of the dangers of consuming alcohol, concluding that to burn off Christmas lunch a woman would need to run for two-and-a-half hours at a steady 7.5mph.
Better safe than sorry, said the auld yin, promptly ordering a 3.5kg tub of Whey Protein from Discount Supplements for the not very discount price of £49.99. He was last seen trying to Google a Jamie Oliver recipe for whey-basted turkey with pigs in whey blankets.
Rumours that he called Mrs UTC to see if his old pair of Adidas Altar Boys were still serviceable for a wee after-Christmas-dinner run have yet to be verified.
