It was Mrs UTC who suggested Under The Counter should join the Dull Men’s Club.
Now, after approximately 297 years of marriage, it’s to be expected that one’s life partner loses some of their initial sparkle but still, the Auld Boy nearly spat a Werther’s Original into his stamp album when his good lady dropped that bombshell.
However, Mrs UTC was merely pointing him towards some insight into Sweden’s forecourt sector via a Facebook group she’d joined.
The insight comes from Dull Man James Auger, who works in “one of the few old-school gas stations in northern Sweden”. Actually, you can stick “few” in front of anything regarding northern Sweden; it’s emptier than former Post Office boss Paula Vennells’ display cabinet.
The 500sq ft forecourt shop is best described as an Aladdin’s cave, albeit one that has never seen a planogram in its puff. Noting that it seemed to stock “the weirdest stuff” – including an electric lime scale remover – James challenged the internet to come up with a product that wasn’t on its shelves. Or just dumped on the floor.
The internet tried and the internet broadly failed. Pictorial evidence was provided of ant killer, Nokia chargers, toboggans, blank CD-Rs, blank cassettes, dart boards, bat and ball sets, a bath plug, flags, and a toilet plunger, to name but a few.
Two questions immediately sprung into the Auld Boy’s mind. Firstly, when did the place last do a stocktake? And, more pressingly, what else is Mrs UTC up to on the internet when he’s blissfully playing with his train set?
