Under The Counter is always eating things that he shouldn’t.
Coleslaw, for example. The Auld Boy loves the stuff, and often livens up his lunchtime piece with a hearty dod. With hearty dods comes terrible heartburn however, and he always regrets his actions. As do his colleagues, who must endure his anguished moaning while scouring the office for a Rennie.
He’s not alone in regretting ill-judged ingestion. Take the recent case of Dawn Sagar and the solitary crisp.
Not too much to go wrong there, you’d think, unless it jammed in her windpipe and brought an untimely dusk to Dawn.
The alternative scenario is that the snack was heart-shaped and worth 100 grand.
Poor Dawn. She thought the crisp unusual enough to merit a photo on her socials, but not so strange that she didn’t then hurl it down her gullet. It couldn’t have been halfway to her stomach before she was bombarded with messages from friends all warning: “Don’t eat it!”
Sensing something was amiss, she went online for an answer.
Once Google had confirmed she’d blown her chances of winning big in a Walkers competition, Dawn took the news on the chin, hard to swallow as it was.
In stark contrast to UTC’s acid reflux-induced bleating, her stoic response – “Oh yeah, that’s it. Too late.” – deserves a medal. Maybe not a Purple Heart though.
