Endlessly fascinated with both horseracing and human malaise, Under The Counter likes to spend his tea breaks placing online bets and stoking his raging hypochondria.
So, after sticking 50p each way on Hoof Hearted in the 3.30 at Catterick, he recently found himself browsing articles on the British Medical Journal website. Blithely ignoring the “intended for healthcare professionals” message, the Auld Boy was about to get stuck into some light reading on ‘Alcohol related disorders among elite male football players in Sweden’ when his myopic eyes alighted on ‘Direct Uptake of Nutrition and Caffeine Study (DUNCS): a biscuit-based comparative study’.
For the one or two non-healthcare professionals among SLR’s readership, this paper attempts to answer the age-old question of which biscuit is best for dunking into a cup of tea. Yes, really.
The study’s authors compared the relative merits of the Hobnob, Rich Tea, Digestive and Shortbread Round on their ability to both soak up liquid and not fall to bits.
Their conclusion: the humble Hobnob emerged victorious, trailed by the Digestive and Shortie. Disappointingly for UTC, his dunker of the choice the Rich Tea limped home – just like Hoof Hearted – in last place. This despite the biscuit’s superior ability to soak up liquid.
Unfortunately, it transpired that the Rich Tea, much like the Auld Boy on learning the Catterick result, reached its breaking point far too quickly.
