It’s not often Under The Counter meets someone older than himself, so he was thrilled to bump into Santa Claus while enjoying some autumn sunshine at Saltcoats recently.
Father Christmas was clearly confused by the chance encounter. A longer-than-average lifetime of whisky and beer drinking has left the Auld Boy with such a red hooter that SLR’s curmudgeon-in-chief can easily be mistaken for Santa’s own sleigh-schlepper-supreme, Rudolph.
As eagle-eyed readers can see, Santa was in the company of a big bekilted orange eejit. No, it wasn’t Donald Trump reconnecting with his Scottish roots, it was none other than Aldi’s very own brand ambassador, Kevin the Carrot.
The unlikely pair were apparently promoting the discounter’s new ‘Heidspace’ campaign, intended to take the stress out of Christmas for shoppers. Hence the seaside meditation sesh.
That wasn’t the real reason for the meetup though, as Santa confided to UTC when Kevin wasn’t listening. Which is all of the time, since carrots – unlike corn – don’t have ears.
“Here’s the thing, young fella,” Santa said to the Auld Boy. “I’m just waiting for big-stupid-looking there to enter a trance, then I’m taking a Taser from that innocuous-looking pouch on my belt and giving him 1,500 volts of juice as an early Christmas present.
“Then he’s straight into Santa’s sack and we’re North Pole-bound. There’s enough eating in him that the reindeer won’t be able to as much as look at another carrot come Christmas Eve.”
